Dear Newlyweds - Part 3

Ben and I were countries apart during our engagement.  He was in Ontario establishing his career there, while I just returned from China.  Since I would be moving in just six months, I worked as a long term substitute teacher here, in central Florida.  

Ben bought a dedicated U.S. phone line for our long, late night conversations.  We would write to each other daily, enough e-mails to fill a book.  

We had our final time together a few days after New Year's, 20 days before the wedding.  

The weeks leading up to our time together, I created a little notebook of letters for him.  I called it "The Twenty Days of Wedding".  It is super cheesy, I know.  It was full of all that mushy romance that is only really wonderful coming from your significant other.  My love language is quality time, so that countdown was close to my heart.

No matter your love language, quality time is a critical part of any relationship.  Your wedding day is no exception.  Your guests are a very important part of your day, but the two of you are the most important.  

Remember throughout your planning, you are starting a marriage, not just hosting a wedding ceremony.  

This leads us to the third installment of "Dear Newlyweds" where we get a chance to hear the wisdom of couples recently wed.  Today's advice is all about prioritizing your time together on the wedding day. 

---

Make time for just the two of you the day of your wedding. The day goes in a blink of an eye, really soak it all in. A sweetheart table really helped us get to spend time together, sit back and watch everyone enjoy the night :)

- Lisa & Perry

---

At this wedding, the bride and groom took a moment to read their personalized vows to each other in the privacy of an office suite.

I love when my couples make time for each other on their wedding day.  Whether it's a quick getaway for sunset portraits, a sweetheart table for the two of them, or even a quick snack break before the reception.  The day is such a blur and it's important to touch base with each other during the day.  Even if it's only a 15 minute time squeezed in together.  

Take time for each other before the wedding as well.  During your planning process, find ways to invest in each other.  Establish routines that can last throughout your marriage.  

Speaking as the couple with four children, we can tell you that it just gets trickier finding that time.  But, we do.  We have weekly Friday night date nights at home.  We put away work, order in, and watch a movie together.  At least once a month we have a legit date where we go out together.  Some months, if we have to travel for work, we join the other person.  We find our most productive conversations are always on trips.  

Sometimes we marginalize those who mean the most to us.  We feel they will understand.  Maybe they will.  But, every time you say "yes" to someone else you say "no" to that special person in your life.  Too many "no's" quickly creates conflict and unhealthy distance.  

For those of you in long distance relationships.  I feel you.  Maximize your time when you are together and embrace technology that can help bring us closer when the miles separate.  

---

Now, pause that wedding planning and go ask that hot Fiancé out on a date.

xoxo Lovelies

Dear Newlyweds - Budgets & Wedding Planners

In just 2 sleeps I would marry my Ben.  After all the waiting and thousands of miles separating us, we would finally be together, forever.  

The months I poured into planning were coming to fruition in a matter of hours.  

That was the day when I was told my beloved pastor was hospitalized and would not officiate our wedding. He was not doing well, and we feared the worst.  

My sister, and best friend, arrived back in town from college that day.  It was a flurry of crazy, as most of our family and guests were from out of state, and even country.  I was putting everyone to work on all of my DIY ideas.  Ideas that seemed far better when I did the mock-up weeks ago.  

I'm a super chill person and rarely raise my voice.  But, my sister and I had unfinished sister business.  The stress mounted and we had no time sit down together and get to the heart of it.

That night, things unhinged.  My sister and I had a huge fight.  We were upstairs in my parents' Tudor-style home.  I'm talking - yelling at each other, loud enough for everyone to hear us, kind of fight.  I still remember wondering if my future sister-in-law was going to have second thoughts about me marrying her brother. 

There were tears and arguing about things that weren't at all the real reason we were upset.  I remember feeling attacked, right before such a monumental day for me.  She felt hurt because I hadn't made time for her.  

It was true, I was too busy worrying about the hundreds of other details.  

As I walked down the aisle on my wedding day, my sweet, amazing sister, bawled her beautiful eyes out.  This tension was about far more than wedding details.  I was leaving her.  Our BFF sisterhood was changing, forever.  I was off to Canada, living too far away for all of our crazy times together.

On a normal day, we would wake up in the morning literally wearing the same thing.  One of us would storm off and have to change.  While total opposites, we made absolute sense in a friendship.  She'd call me out when I was being a pushover and I'd reel her in when she was being too spicy.  

Her heart knew, more than mine was willing to recognize, that it was the end of an era.  She would marry months later and we would move on to different worlds.  

More than a decade later now, I regret not having a final sister night together.  I should have paid for a professional to handle most of those details.  I should have been having one last night with my best friend and forever sister.  That would have been money well spent.

Of course, we are still best of friends.  Though a state away (she's now a Georgia girl), we are close.  In between work, caring for all the little ones, and our busy lives, we still make time for each other.  I love our spontaneous, and very interrupted, phone calls.  Even if we can only talk five minutes, we call.  She knows my biggest struggles and can make me laugh harder than anyone.  

This is the second installment of "Dear Newlyweds", an article all about hearing from those who recently wed.  While everything is fresh on their mind and heart, they share their words of wisdom to engaged couples.  

Today's Newlywed Advice is all about delegation to professionals and managing the budget.  These areas are huge when it comes to wedding stress.  

Here is our advice from an amazing newlywed couple:

---

Budget & Wedding Planner

Trust and listen to your coordinator. Don't over think the little things! Leave room in the budget for last minute or unexpected expenses.

---

Budgeting Tips

Early in your planning, prioritize what areas are most important to you on your wedding day.  If Ben and I were getting married all over again (for the first time), these would be my top budget priorities:

• Photography (obvi)
• Wedding Planner
• Florals & Decor
• Live Music

I would cater in artisan food stations.  Popcorn bar, donut bar, mozzerella fries, wood fired pizza, anything fun and interactive would be my fave.  Like a coastal alfresco soirée.  The getaway would definitely involve a boat.  I can see the Pinterest board now.  

For you, it may be something entirely different.  That's okay, and even great.  The important thing is to set your priorities so that you know where you are investing and which areas you can get more creative.  

Our bride is right, remember to leave a little wiggle room for any last minute expenses.  

Wedding Planner

Hiring a planner can really help you stay on track with your budget.  They can also help you get creative in areas where there is a little less.  

Planning a huge event, for the first time, can be a monumental stress on all relationships.  Having a professional, who does this full-time, will help educate you and walk you through the process.  The less you (and your family!) have to worry about on the wedding day, the more you are soaking up every moment with your loved ones.  

Just like finding your photographer, you have to find your wedding planner match.  It's not just about being organized, you want someone who remains calm, clear-headed, and is amazing with your guests.  The best planners that I work with know how to work a spreadsheet just as magically as navigating the drama of family, friends, and weather.  

If you need suggestions, just e-mail me, I'll connect you with the best!

---

Moral of the story?  Those closest to your heart matter most.  They matter more than any wedding detail and are worth the largest investment.

xoxo Lovelies

Dear Newlyweds

Heart-To-Heart Conversations with Real Brides

A white binder sits on our bookshelves upstairs.  It is full of my wedding ideas, all organized into categories.  I lived by the binder and my Excel spreadsheet budget.  My closest girlfriends lived states away and I definitely felt on my own when it came to planning my wedding.

Today, we have Pinterest and apps galore.  Even so, when it's your first time planning a wedding, all of the information out there can be overwhelming.  Where do you even start?

I've invited some couples to share their advice with you.  A little chat with a real bride who has been there.  Each installment discusses a topic related to the advice of the experienced couple.

Grab a coffee, get cozy, and let's have a heart-to-heart.

-- None of the images depict the bride giving today's advice --

---

Parent Communication

My advice is to discuss with your parents and families their expectations for your wedding and your own expectations and come to an agreement before the wedding! 

Nothing is worse then a family member causing a scene because they learned that you want a private first look instead of a public one. Don't leave the stress for your wedding day, make your expectations known to your family and bridal party in advance! 

On your wedding day remind yourself that so long as you get married that the day was successful and let the rest go!

---

Communicating Expectations

The role of parents in the modern wedding is easily complicated.  

Many couples are funding their own nuptials and many have been living independently for years, even a decade.   

Our bride brings up a key point - communicating expectations.  

Schedule Meetings

Open, gentle, honest communication from both sets of parents, the bride, and the groom can help navigate the tricky waters in the planning process.  Weddings have evolved.  Many parents have never heard of a "first look".  Remember to stop and explain the heart behind any non-traditional choices.  Even if you have to schedule a sit-down on the calendar.  Don't let the tension mount.  

Side Bar: Ben and I live by Google Calendar.  We sync our calendars and add people who need to be a part of our weekly lives so that we all stay on the same page.

Prioritize

Fast forward your life about 10 years, what will matter most to you?  Those are the essentials that are worth fighting for.  P.S. It isn't the tablecloth pattern.

Listen

No, like, really listen.  Listen past the demands and into the heart of the request.  Even take a day to think about it before dismissing ideas.

Mediate

Unfortunately, not all families will get along.  There is drama with hurt feelings, blended families, and numerous complications.  Make sure that you are not just giving in to the loudest critic at the expense of another parent.  Ask an appropriate person to mediate when necessary (like an aunt, uncle,  grandparent, or pastor).  

Respect

Remember, you are on the same team.  This is the beginning of a lifetime of give and take as you form your own family.  These will be the grandparents of your little ones, should you choose to be parents.  Disagree with kindness, love with boundaries, and give them an extra hug.  They changed those dirty diapers.