Dear Newlyweds - Part 3

Ben and I were countries apart during our engagement.  He was in Ontario establishing his career there, while I just returned from China.  Since I would be moving in just six months, I worked as a long term substitute teacher here, in central Florida.  

Ben bought a dedicated U.S. phone line for our long, late night conversations.  We would write to each other daily, enough e-mails to fill a book.  

We had our final time together a few days after New Year's, 20 days before the wedding.  

The weeks leading up to our time together, I created a little notebook of letters for him.  I called it "The Twenty Days of Wedding".  It is super cheesy, I know.  It was full of all that mushy romance that is only really wonderful coming from your significant other.  My love language is quality time, so that countdown was close to my heart.

No matter your love language, quality time is a critical part of any relationship.  Your wedding day is no exception.  Your guests are a very important part of your day, but the two of you are the most important.  

Remember throughout your planning, you are starting a marriage, not just hosting a wedding ceremony.  

This leads us to the third installment of "Dear Newlyweds" where we get a chance to hear the wisdom of couples recently wed.  Today's advice is all about prioritizing your time together on the wedding day. 

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Make time for just the two of you the day of your wedding. The day goes in a blink of an eye, really soak it all in. A sweetheart table really helped us get to spend time together, sit back and watch everyone enjoy the night :)

- Lisa & Perry

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At this wedding, the bride and groom took a moment to read their personalized vows to each other in the privacy of an office suite.

I love when my couples make time for each other on their wedding day.  Whether it's a quick getaway for sunset portraits, a sweetheart table for the two of them, or even a quick snack break before the reception.  The day is such a blur and it's important to touch base with each other during the day.  Even if it's only a 15 minute time squeezed in together.  

Take time for each other before the wedding as well.  During your planning process, find ways to invest in each other.  Establish routines that can last throughout your marriage.  

Speaking as the couple with four children, we can tell you that it just gets trickier finding that time.  But, we do.  We have weekly Friday night date nights at home.  We put away work, order in, and watch a movie together.  At least once a month we have a legit date where we go out together.  Some months, if we have to travel for work, we join the other person.  We find our most productive conversations are always on trips.  

Sometimes we marginalize those who mean the most to us.  We feel they will understand.  Maybe they will.  But, every time you say "yes" to someone else you say "no" to that special person in your life.  Too many "no's" quickly creates conflict and unhealthy distance.  

For those of you in long distance relationships.  I feel you.  Maximize your time when you are together and embrace technology that can help bring us closer when the miles separate.  

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Now, pause that wedding planning and go ask that hot Fiancé out on a date.

xoxo Lovelies

Dear Newlyweds - Budgets & Wedding Planners

In just 2 sleeps I would marry my Ben.  After all the waiting and thousands of miles separating us, we would finally be together, forever.  

The months I poured into planning were coming to fruition in a matter of hours.  

That was the day when I was told my beloved pastor was hospitalized and would not officiate our wedding. He was not doing well, and we feared the worst.  

My sister, and best friend, arrived back in town from college that day.  It was a flurry of crazy, as most of our family and guests were from out of state, and even country.  I was putting everyone to work on all of my DIY ideas.  Ideas that seemed far better when I did the mock-up weeks ago.  

I'm a super chill person and rarely raise my voice.  But, my sister and I had unfinished sister business.  The stress mounted and we had no time sit down together and get to the heart of it.

That night, things unhinged.  My sister and I had a huge fight.  We were upstairs in my parents' Tudor-style home.  I'm talking - yelling at each other, loud enough for everyone to hear us, kind of fight.  I still remember wondering if my future sister-in-law was going to have second thoughts about me marrying her brother. 

There were tears and arguing about things that weren't at all the real reason we were upset.  I remember feeling attacked, right before such a monumental day for me.  She felt hurt because I hadn't made time for her.  

It was true, I was too busy worrying about the hundreds of other details.  

As I walked down the aisle on my wedding day, my sweet, amazing sister, bawled her beautiful eyes out.  This tension was about far more than wedding details.  I was leaving her.  Our BFF sisterhood was changing, forever.  I was off to Canada, living too far away for all of our crazy times together.

On a normal day, we would wake up in the morning literally wearing the same thing.  One of us would storm off and have to change.  While total opposites, we made absolute sense in a friendship.  She'd call me out when I was being a pushover and I'd reel her in when she was being too spicy.  

Her heart knew, more than mine was willing to recognize, that it was the end of an era.  She would marry months later and we would move on to different worlds.  

More than a decade later now, I regret not having a final sister night together.  I should have paid for a professional to handle most of those details.  I should have been having one last night with my best friend and forever sister.  That would have been money well spent.

Of course, we are still best of friends.  Though a state away (she's now a Georgia girl), we are close.  In between work, caring for all the little ones, and our busy lives, we still make time for each other.  I love our spontaneous, and very interrupted, phone calls.  Even if we can only talk five minutes, we call.  She knows my biggest struggles and can make me laugh harder than anyone.  

This is the second installment of "Dear Newlyweds", an article all about hearing from those who recently wed.  While everything is fresh on their mind and heart, they share their words of wisdom to engaged couples.  

Today's Newlywed Advice is all about delegation to professionals and managing the budget.  These areas are huge when it comes to wedding stress.  

Here is our advice from an amazing newlywed couple:

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Budget & Wedding Planner

Trust and listen to your coordinator. Don't over think the little things! Leave room in the budget for last minute or unexpected expenses.

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Budgeting Tips

Early in your planning, prioritize what areas are most important to you on your wedding day.  If Ben and I were getting married all over again (for the first time), these would be my top budget priorities:

• Photography (obvi)
• Wedding Planner
• Florals & Decor
• Live Music

I would cater in artisan food stations.  Popcorn bar, donut bar, mozzerella fries, wood fired pizza, anything fun and interactive would be my fave.  Like a coastal alfresco soirée.  The getaway would definitely involve a boat.  I can see the Pinterest board now.  

For you, it may be something entirely different.  That's okay, and even great.  The important thing is to set your priorities so that you know where you are investing and which areas you can get more creative.  

Our bride is right, remember to leave a little wiggle room for any last minute expenses.  

Wedding Planner

Hiring a planner can really help you stay on track with your budget.  They can also help you get creative in areas where there is a little less.  

Planning a huge event, for the first time, can be a monumental stress on all relationships.  Having a professional, who does this full-time, will help educate you and walk you through the process.  The less you (and your family!) have to worry about on the wedding day, the more you are soaking up every moment with your loved ones.  

Just like finding your photographer, you have to find your wedding planner match.  It's not just about being organized, you want someone who remains calm, clear-headed, and is amazing with your guests.  The best planners that I work with know how to work a spreadsheet just as magically as navigating the drama of family, friends, and weather.  

If you need suggestions, just e-mail me, I'll connect you with the best!

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Moral of the story?  Those closest to your heart matter most.  They matter more than any wedding detail and are worth the largest investment.

xoxo Lovelies

Wedding Reception Photography - Capturing Your Celebration

Have I mentioned that Ben and I have four children?  That’s right, four.  No, we aren’t crazy.  Yes, we actually planned for this. 

Okay, maybe we’re a little crazy.

Many weekends you can find us in the middle of a spontaneous dance party, breaking it down on the family room rug.  Ben’s record player spins tunes, usually something vintage like The Beatles.  The little ones twirl and jump in all manner of un-choreographed chaos. 

Sometimes I pause and watch, taking in their pure happiness.  I love that they are learning how to celebrate life.  Celebration is such an important part of our humanity.  My hope is that our little ones learn to dance to any music life brings their way. 

A wedding celebration should be full of every joy, welcoming the journey of marriage.  We pop champagne, serve the best dinner, and dance the night away.

Those details you painstakingly chose?  I love taking an editorial approach to your details, such as flowers, centerpieces, food.  They will be captured in all their glory.

I take a photo-journalistic approach to the events of the reception.  I want to capture the sentimental smile, the tearful happiness, and your flower girl sneaking an extra piece of cake. 

Here are ways to make your reception images shine. 

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Lighting

As the sun sets and your reception begins, lighting is very important for the aesthetic of your reception.  Lighting has come a long way with fabulous up-lighting, café lights, and chandelier rentals.  I highly recommend investing in quality ambient lighting.  It will make a huge difference in the atmosphere of your celebration and the aesthetic and your images. 

Warning - Any colored lighting will cast that color on your skin.  Flash will help off-set this, but the prettiest lighting is always a neutral color. 

A fabulous DJ or band can really make your reception the one of your dreams.  They sway a lot of party power with getting guests on the dance floor and moving the night along.  Occasionally, a DJ’s special affect lighting can be difficult to work with.  If your DJ is using laser spot lighting (they look like tiny polka dots), that is the most challenging to work with.  Flash will not offset the dots all over skin.  Not typically an attractive look.  Just have a conversation with your DJ about the lighting set-up so that there aren’t any surprises. 

Grand Entrance

This is when the band or DJ announces your entrance into the reception area.   

Traditionally, each bridesmaid and groomsman pairing enters together to some fun music.  The bridal party enters beginning with the same order that the bridesmaids walked down the aisle, ending with the Maid of Honor and Best Man.  Then, you are announced in, as the newlyweds. 

Tip: If you want an amazing entrance picture.  Stop once you’ve just entered the dance floor for a kiss.  This will help freeze the movement and allow for a prettier entrance image. 

Typically the bride and groom then sit down or go into the first dance. 

The benefit of going right into the first dance is that you have the attention of all of your guests.  It’s a very natural transition.  It also helps if you are on a tight timeline with your photography coverage. 

First Dance

The first dance is one of those special moments where you hold each other close and breathe in the moment of the day.  Everything slows down for whispers, quiet laughter, maybe even a tear of joy. 

If you have anything special choreographed, definitely let me know in advance.  It’s helpful to be prepared for any unique elements to the reception. 

Parent Dances

Ahh, I’m a sucker for the father/daughter dance (you maaay find me wiping a tear in between shots). This is another sweet time to spend a few moments with important people in your life. 

These dances do not have to be stuffy and traditional.  One bride and her father broke it down to “I Don’t Need Anyone But You”, such a joyful moment. 

You also don’t have to make it Father/Daughter and Mother/Son dancing.  If a parent is absent or not playing that traditional role in your life, you can get creative.  Include grandparents, or make it a “family dance”, bringing up parents and siblings.  Modern weddings welcome new celebratory memories. 

Dinner

That Filet Mignon is going to sound pretty amazing about now.  Take the time to sit down and enjoy your meal.  There will be time to make your rounds with guests once you are finished. 

The worst time of the day for pictures is during dinnertime. 

When I was a new photographer, I would shoot and shoot and shoot all through dinner.  Guess what?  Not one image ever turned out.  Ever.  Instead, I would get the “evil eye” from guests who instinctively knew their best look is not while stuffing a bite of salad into their mouth. 

Artist & Vendor Team

This is also an ideal time for your vendor team to eat as well.  That way we are free to keep working once you complete your meal.

It may seem strange that your vendor team requires dinner.  Speaking as a photographer, I can say how important this dinner break really is.  I promise, it’s not a diva request.

Our day is filled with non-stop action from the moment we step foot into your day.  It can be a long day of hustle with no food or drink breaks.  This dinner break is important to maintaining momentum for the evening work. 

Sometimes, I am asked what the ideal scenario is.  Really, I welcome any break that involves a little refreshment.  My requirement is that dinner is provided or that a one hour break given so that I can go grab dinner.  

The perfect set-up is a quiet, simple, little table in the corner of the reception room.  This is a table, just for the vendors, so that we can jump up and work, as needed.  When I am off in a vendor room (while a lovely break) I do get nervous that something may happen in my absence. 

Toasts

Oh that time of the night when everyone hears your embarrassing childhood antics.  This is my favorite time for reaction shots, as parents laugh and as guests tear up over the sweet words and stories. 

If toasts happen during dinnertime, just give your vendor team a heads up (especially if we’re in a vendor room) so that we are prompt when they begin. 

A reception schedule is super helpful for the photographer to have, this way we are ready for all the action. 

Sunset Portraits

Those moments, just before sunset are absolutely breathtaking.  Your skin radiates a warm glow, the colors are soft and romantic. 

I love sneaking the bride and groom away for a quick 10 minutes of beautiful sunset portraits.  The results will make you forever grateful.

Special Friend or Family Portrait

Your reception is a perfect time for pictures with any special friend groupings or family groupings.  There is usually more time and everyone is more relaxed about jumping in for a picture. 

Simply list these groupings in your prep form so that I can remind you to gather them during this time.

Photo Booth

A photo booth is a perfect way to capture your guests in a fun way.  Most guests love jumping into a photo booth with their significant other or group of friends.  Just as much as they do not like gathering for that awkward “table shot”. 

I highly recommend investing in this as a part of your wedding day. 

If you aren’t able to, the best time for your photographer to get candid images is over cocktail hour.  This means, hiring as second shooter to ensure candid images are taken during that portion of the day.      

Bouquet & Garter Toss

Whenever there is fast movement with low lighting, even the best camera equipment can struggle a bit.  This is why I usually recommend that my couples “fake throw” first to make sure I get that image.  That way I can focus my energy on “the catch”. 

Dance Floor

Time to put those gorgeous stilettos to work on the dance floor. 

Okay, more realistically, it's a great idea to use those bridal flip-flops. 

My wide angle lens will get right in the action.  I shoot fast and furious.  Then, I back away for a bit.  Repeat.  I want to give guests their space while still documenting all the fun.  

Tip: to look amazing in dancing pictures, grab a friend, pause and smile mid-move.  A little love to the camera goes a long way towards making your dance moves look super fab. 

Grand Exit

It is now time for your great escape.  While it is sad that your celebration has come to an end, the marriage journey is just beginning.  That is worth some serious honeymoon celebration.

Once again, any time there is fast movement and low lighting, that camera equipment is working extra hard.  Whatever type of exit you are making, take time to pause for a kiss, maybe even two.  Those images are always the prettiest. 

Follow-Up

Each photographer has a different post-wedding workflow.  Be sure to chat about that before your exit so that you know when you can expect your sneak peek. 

You can read all about my post-wedding workflow, right here.

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On a wedding day, something is bound to go wrong.  Keep moving forward, dancing to the music.  It is all about embracing your day and any unexpected surprises.  It's all good practice for the marriage journey ahead.  

Make spontaneous dancing  a part of your newlywed life.  The best is barefoot on the family room floor.  

Then, if your dance party multiplies, embrace every un-choreographed moment.

xoxo Lovelies